From: PirateJohn@aol.com
Date: Tue Jul 31, 2001 11:21 am
Subject: Thinning the herd (and some travel photos, pholks!)

.. and in this case we're talking about thinning the herd of Darwin Award candidates. Whew!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


WHERE'S JAWS WHEN YOU NEED HIM?
Australia plans new laws "to protect people too
stupid to protect themselves" after sightseers
climbed on a dead whale in order to "pet" great
white sharks feasting on it.

(article at http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2001/07/24/sharkpatting.htm )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pholks ... when you live in a coastal area there are some basic truths to
life:

-- Don't ignore alligators; they aren't pets and we don't keep 'em around
'cause they are cuddly. ol' John just came back from a motorcycle trip that
involved having oysters in Swansboro, NC and one of the guys in the bar that
I was in (the Swansboro Yacht Club -- I highly recommend the place; good
oysters, Guinness, and it's right on the water) casually mentioned that one
of their local fishermen had recently lost his arm to a 'gator. Bet you
didn't hear about that one on CNN!

-- Don't keep swimming if'n there are sharks in the area -- remember that the child who lost his arm in the Panhandle of Florida this summer was in waist-deep-for-a-little-kid water and that sucker came in to the shallows to invite him to dinner.

-- If the weather's going to be really lousy either seek shelter or head for the hills. Hurricanes don't make allowances for anyone, including the stupid. And more people are killed by lightning in Florida than anywhere else. Holding up that lightning rod, er, ah, "golf club" and pointing it toward the sky ain't smart. Golfer's have it particularly tough down here -- we've had episodes of golfer's getting hit by lightning and before the ambulance arrives the 'gators have come out of the water hazards and dragged 'em away. It seems that 'gators will eat their meat raw but really prefer it medium rare ;)

-- And finally, the #1 rule of survival in the Southern US coastal areas is never, never, NEVER say anything negative to or about that 7' tall, 350 lb. gent named Bubba who you always seem to run into at every bar that has a motorcycle or two parked out in front. Bubba's likely got a sense of humour and if'n you're not a local he's curious about you. Sorta like that 'gator or shark that sees something new and hasn't quite decided if they want to eat it or play with it. So be friendly and chat with Bubba. But don't make any jokes about pick up trucks, living in the Righteous South, definitely don't say anything negative about motorcycles, and wotever you do don't say anything negative about any female at the bar 'cause it will inevitably be Bubba's girlphriend/cuzin'/-ex/Mamma. And if it's Bubba's Mamma you can almost bet that she owns the damned bar and then you are in for a major heap of trouble.

Seriously pholks ... Yours Truly just came back from a ride up the North Carolina coast from Wilmington to Morehead City. Beautiful part of the country! Very rural, and very coastal. I highly recommend a trip into that part of the country if you get a chance. My only regret with this trip is that I hadn't prepared to continue the trip and to go out onto the Outer Banks; when I had an opportunity to do so I had to pass up the chance. The Outer Banks are another magnitude of magnificence and when you look up the word "beautiful" in your Funk and Wagnall's a photo of the Outer Banks is what you're likely to see.

*******************************************************************
The ol' Pirate's home page can be found at:
http://members.aol.com/PirateJohn/pirate1.html -- jokes, travel tales, music,
and motorcycle links start at: http://members.aol.com/PirateJohn/funlinks.html


If you would like to subscribe please go to:
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/HumourList or email
"HumourList-subscribe@onelist.com". If you have any problems subscribing,
just send a message to PirateJohn@aol.com and I'll take care of it the old
fashioned way

If you would like to unsubscribe please email:
"HumourList-unsubscribe@onelist.com"

Threats, personal messages, and subscription problems should go to:
PirateJohn@aol.com

Please submit jokes to: Warp12Sys@aol.com

 

Return to Buccaneer Press Home Page

Return to PirateJohn's Page